I’d love to help you plan your wedding, by sharing what we learned while planning ours. Looking back on it, we actually approached our wedding in a very Product way, and ultimately shipped an MVP (Minimum Viable Product, enough to get the job done) that was totally our own. So enjoy this, our story, with tips from a few friends in between.
But first, a quick rant.
Weddings don’t have to be this way
Despite the screes of beautifully poised photos you might see gracing a billion pound scrollfest near you (looking at you, TikTok), I put it to you that weddings are broken. When the spend becomes the same as a house deposit, I say we’ve gone a bit too far. When folks often remark the day after, ‘now that’s over, we can get back to living and travelling’, it’s got a bit out of hand. And when some folks split due to the stress of it all (ironically never shipping the delivery at all) – I say we have lost touch with the goal.
And what is the goal? For you two to bring together all the people who matter most, and to get very official. To celebrate this moment with them and to create some lovely memories.
So, what can we do about it then? We can take a leaf out of the book of the occasional renegade couple you may have seen doing it another way, doing it their way.
We can plan our own MVP wedding. Here’s how my wife and I planned ours.
“Put your guests first: Good food, Good music, Good drinks” – Matt P
Things to remember
My wife (I still love saying that) and I had quite a few…debates as we started planning. Things only settled down when I and she realised a few key truths:
- It takes two. I realised, we realised, that we had different ideas coming into this wedding thing. In fact, I proposed when the feeling took me and really hadn’t thought beyond that moment. Lockdown will do that to you. I realised that this wasn’t my party, it was ours. And it therefore needed to suit us both in order to fully be our day.
- It isn’t about them. Your mum, their mum, friends and family will get really excited when you announce your engagement. You may realise they have been waiting for this big moment for quite a while. You might feel a natural desire to give them the day they imagined for you, especially if they are paying. I’d suggest caution however – so many told us they wished in the end that they had just sat down, planned it to suit them as a couple, then explained that to the family.
- Guests actually have no expectations. We’ve got carried away trying to keep up with the Joneses and it is just unnecessary. Do a bit of user research and ask friends and family what they expect, or even better, what matters most to them. You’ll be surprised how little they care for pizazz and pomp and ceremony. They just want to be there with you, for as many hours as possible.
- It didn’t used to be this way, so it doesn’t have to be this way. Western pagan wedding ceremonies had hand fasting (from whence tying the knot comes), not diamonds. Japan had reeds twisted around fingers until the ad campaign diamond’s are a girl’s best friend hit their town.
“Embrace and work through all the family conflict. A wedding party is a great shared endeavour for building robust and lasting supporting relationships around your marriage.” – Toby B
How to plan your MVP wedding
So what did I learn from others who had gone before, and what did shipping this most important delivery teach me, and
💖 Start with why. Like any major build, it starts with why. And each why is and should be different. In our case – it was to invite more people, with less pizazz.
☑ Look for problems worth solving. What are the things you must have? We wanted to get married legally during the day, so we built the venue around that.
💰 Work out the budget up front, then stick to it. How much do you have, and your parents want to contribute? That friends, is your budget. Consider what you might want, cost up the big stuff, add a 25% buffer and then get a stiff drink. Is there a delta here? There was in our case, and we had to get back to basics about what really mattered to us.
🎨 Discovery is an art. Region, venue type and size. It took a while to find out what the options actually were. We shortlisted by distance and cost. Do some user research. Ask a few friends.
👀 Research the competition. Think back to the most memorable weddings you have attended. What made them so? Aside from the obvious occasional castle or exotic locale, what really made an impact on you? And what of these ideas might you use yourselves?
🏉 Planning is a team sport. You are in this together. And discuss it and shape it as a team. The run sheet, simple printed on the wall and in detail in the wedding team’ phones, was vital.
🛣 Give Discovery and Design the time they deserve. It took several rounds of discussions and review of options before we found our MVP. We didn’t even know what could be to begin with, and so we mapped out a few user journeys and trimmed away the fat. The wedding industry will sell you whatever you ask for, so only ask for the basics initially, then add extras later.
▶️ Stick to the plan. Work cross-team, listen to opinions (there will be many), but remember that in your squad, only you manage your backlog. And keep it that way. This is your delivery and ultimately, you get to decide what you do.
❌ Avoid MVP bloat. It is easy to get carried away once the basics are planned and paid for, but bringing it back to the budget made keeping it lean easier.
🤝 Accept help where needed. The best advice we had? ‘when people offer to help, let them’. Our army of helpers really brought the thing home beautifully. Of course they, like any squad, need ways of working and guide rails – this being the art of Delivery. 😊
🎇 Once MVP is reached, add a little love. You can have a bit of MLP, it is your wedding after all. Once the plan is set, the invoices are paid and the run sheet is done (obviously there is a spreadsheet and a Now Next Later kanban board, but that goes without saying), then add the sparkle. Turns out this doesn’t have to cost the earth. Thank you LEDs.
“Would both you and your partner buy that person a £200 meal tonight? If the answer is no you’ve found a space on the guest list 🤣. Eat the canapés…eat all the canapés. In fact get your own tray” – Jack S
What we ended up with
So here’s what we shipped in the end – our wedding MVP. It cost less than we initially had, was memorable, weather flexible and most importantly was very, very us.
- A 12 hour event at a single venue (a village hall), with garden and indoor options
- We didn’t leave the venue for photos – and had enough time with everyone
- A registrant to marry us, followed by a celebrant (a friend) to add quotes, poems etc.
- An incredible hand fasting ceremony, where friends and family each laid one of 10 ribbons over our clasped hands, each signifying a country or influence in our lives, well pull apart and tied the knot.
- Short 1 min toasts from many, instead of speeches from a few
- A 5 piece jazz band with 2x 45 min sets, for proper dancing
- A cash bar so we could invite more people, and a high tea with a bring a plate option for the same reason
- Chip butties late in the evening from the local fish n chip shop
- A friend serenading us on guitar for a bit, and playlists for early, mid and late evening
- A 30 minute lindy hop dance lesson, taught by some friends – to get people up and moving
“When people offer to help you, just let them. You need a team to run a big event.” – Faye
Final thoughts
If you are planning your big day, I hope this has helped somewhat. And if you are like me just kicking back and remembering, I hope it made you smile. I hope the delivery was as memorable for you as it was for me. 🙂
And if your big day is to come, I hope you can plan in some time to stop, spin around and enjoy the delight of all your people coming together to celebrate your union.
“Is it about the marriage or the wedding? I remember friends saying they couldn’t afford to get married yet… I told them of course they could, they just couldn’t afford the wedding they wanted…. So a ‘party’ was more important than actually being married?” – Emma H